Men jokes...

[btomlinson]

My wife sent these and I just had to pass them along...

Men strike back!
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told
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I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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Women will never be equal to men ...
until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
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Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and to the select few women who can handle the truth !

[Jaybird]

Sweet!

[Matchless]

: ) LOL.....

[MrKiwi]

LMAO

[Cracky]

haha

[Hitec625]

ROFLMAO!!!.. that was a good one.

[last12know]

Your wife must be really cool if SHE sent it to you.

[king160woody]

Always good jokes

[btomlinson]

	Quote: Originally Posted by last12know
	Your wife must be really cool if SHE sent it to you.

Yes she is... She's a wonderful wife with a sense of humor ( most of the time )

[KrisW]

3 guys get shipwrecked on a Desert Island. . they are starving, thirsty, and no way off the island. One day, beachcombing, they discover an OLDE, but very ornate bottle, washed up on the shore. One of them jokes the bottle had better contain either beer, or a Genie.

Well. . MUCH to their surprise, when they open it a HUGE Genie pops out, with all the usual accompaniments of smoke, flashing lights, and trumpets.

"You have released me!!!" he thunders. . .. "For this I shall grant EACH of you a wish!!!"

WELLLL The guys are just ecstatic .. almost. . . . .

"WHat happens if you can't grant our wishes?" one of them (a lawyer of all things) asks.

"Then I shall return to the bottle for 1000 years" The genie replies. . "But.. I am all knowing and all powerful. . I can grant ANY wish"

"Okay. . " the first guy says. . "I want a 150 foot yacht, anchored in the lagoon, with a full crew, 8 gorgeous babes, fuel to go around the world, and completely supplied with food, drink and $100 million in untraceable bearer bonds"

The Genie gives him a dirty look .. . . "Geesh . .is THAT all??" Crosses his arms. . and POOF. . the yacht appears in the lagoon. In moments a small boat is headed to shore to get the men, who are now overjoyed!!

Once on board the yacht . .the second guy has it figured out. . "I want to be immortal, to never age, and to have the body of Arnold Schwarzenneger at 30years old"

Again .. the genie scoffs at the man. . . "You realy are making this too easy for me" he replies . . .POOF. . .6'6" of bronzed and muscled 30 year old is standing there.

The guy looks at himself. . amazed. . . "And I can't die??" he demands. In answer the genie pulls out a .45 revolver and shoots him 6 times in the chest. . the bullets bounce off!!!!!

"COOL!!!" the guy exclaimed, and heads off to see the babes on board the now moving yacht.

"Well. . what about YOU??" The genie demands, looking at the lawyer.

"How bout we change the conditions a little bit, and substitute "My slave for 5 years" instead of "prisoner in bottle for 1000 years" if you can't satisfy my wish?" the lawyer proposes.

"HAH. . fine, I accept the terms!!!" The Genie replies .. "Now. . what is YOUR wish??"

The lawyer replies .. . "I want to understand women."

The genie looks at him. . . . .just looks at him . . . .then sighs, and POOF. .returns to his bottle.