Boat Race. America's out. Little birds gloat.

[madmax]

[article written by Fraser Briggs]

Tis Bogan .... Captain of the WINNING BOAT RACE Team here ... back in NZ after a big trip home. 36 hours travelling, its good to be home and caught up on two weeks of no sleep etc.

Well bugger me I've never heard such whining and whinging .... especially from a bunch of blokes that had just spent all week going on and on about how great they were in the past, and how great they were going to be.

May I present ....

Bogans Official Boat Race Report for the FAI (Federation Alcohol International)

The TAS organising committee had requested we make it bit more exciting for the spectators this year, so having lost three years in a row we challenged the defenders to field a bigger team of at least 10. Our international team of seasoned drinkers fronted for the challenge with full team of 10 to start with, and ended up with a bonus man taking it up to 11 when Bernie Backburner arrived just in time for the race. There were tables and chairs almost the full length of the pits with drinkers from Mexico, Switzerland, Australia, Czech Republic, Austria, Germany, England and New Zealand.

The US Team had to scramble at the last minute to find enough guys to match our impressive numbers, usual story, its all ra ra ra during the week, but when it came time to find flyers who are prepared to step up and drink for national pride, most of em were either half way back to Wichita, or claiming T-Total. It didn't take too much arm twisting and a few of the guys from DA stepped up, well done Hueffmeier and Gilmore here.

Past FAI Race Official Fred Johnson could not make the event this year, but Doug Bry was soon given the job as Judge and Jury - whether he liked it or not.

22 empty cups all lined up, there was a bit of a drama finding enough beer after the Kiwi's Cold Corona supplies ran out, and a few of us (including myself) had to take one for the team and drink a warm Tecate.

The race started and it was pretty close for the first few guys with spillage on both sides of the table. Bruckmans old man was a bit slow but introduced some clever tactics, and the two Poms (Chris and Steve aka Thelman and Louise) caught us up real quick and bumped us into the lead a little. Chris managed to impress when his entire vessel contents disappeared in a split second with not a drop spilt (he told me after the race that his mentor was some bird from the 70's called Lovelace).

Meanwhile on the other side of the table, the US team had a bit of a problem with a drinker (the name of whom I will not mention), which was causing a major hold up. Oh yes, finally someone on the other side of the table going like a tired snail. For 3 years in a row we've had a slow bloke let us down, so finally it was great to see it in reverse.

Well by the time the race got to my end of the table, we were a full 3 men in the lead ! As you can see by the photo's, Chip, Gilmore and Huff didn't even get a taste .... I've never had to drink a beer so slowly before .... unbelievable, without a doubt the biggest winning margin in the history of TAS Boat Racing.

Doug Bry declared it a clear victory to the Challengers, and Baldrick had to come to the US end of the table and drink Chips Beer for him !

What a great trip we Kiwi's had this year on our 10th Anniversary Tour. Some highlights ....
1. Not smoking a plane into the Desert like last year had to be right up there for start !
2. Dropping the new DA-200 in the trusty old PBG 260 and seeing the smile on Baldricks face as it took to the skys again.
3. Out golfing Leseburg in his "see if you can chip it in the bin kiwi" challenge.
4. Just missing out on 3rd in invitational by half a f'ing point to Chip .... bugger ! (My fault, I had screwed up a known earlier in the week, and then a snap in the finals Known Sequence)
5. 3rd in Freestyle ... woohoo !
6. A kiwi modeller on his way to a job in Boston (Shaun Mitchell) called in for the last two days of the event and won the Aerotech Raffle.

But none of these compare to marching up the length of the boat racing tables, kicking cups and cans sideways enroute to take possesion of the Boat Racing Trophy. Then having the entire International Challenging team up on the table for a glorious rendition of "We are the Champions" with trophy held aloft.... oh yes it was a bit like that time back in the 80's when the bloke from Australia won the America's cup for the first time ever, and he jumped off the boat and swam over to the podium to get it. (Of course since then, that Old Mug has not been seen much on US shores, but lets not get into that one)

The Biff was nowhere to be seen. He dissapeared before we had even lifted the trophy. Seems he had to go and have some quiet time, and reappeared 30 mins later to accept his defeat. Wipe your eyes Princess !

Final glory was when Hueffmeier produced the "ROTW" sticker for the trophy and it was applied on the spot .... in the words of Borat .... HAPPY TIMES !!

Parting words .... show the VID like in previous years ! I know its out there, and its pretty obvious why it has not been posted yet.

[3dubya]

careful borat they might get mad like they did at the rodeo where u sung the national anthem

[Shaker]

Enjoy your brief moment in the sun Bogan.. If I ever return to the boat race (I was on the very first TAS boat race team for the USA).. things WILL be different.

[feral63]

at last the truth has been told. now all the nay sayers can crawl into a hole for another 12 months.

[snap a saurus]

We need video evidence.

[CSpaced]

Sounds like good times - Congrats on the win ROTW!

[Giddy-up]

Cheers SweetPea!

[T BYRD]

Ill cheers to that!!!!! I have been busy with a training regimen all week that needs to be striclty enforced for about 359 days now!!!!

Well get it back next year.

[Dangerous Dan]

the video should be good

[Dangerous Dan]

who was the slow bloke they need to be keel hauled

[!Spike!]

I have sent the tape to Max. I'm tellin' ya. The site of Frazier stompin' down the Boatrace table will be a FG CLASSIC!!!

Goodonya Mate!

[T BYRD]

Max,

Has Doug Bry reviewed the tape and given the go ahead for public viewing? I just dont want there to be contraversy when it airs!!!!!

LOL!!!! Cant wait to see it.