Conservatives and Liberals

[Stainless Skills]

Liberals and Conservatives

For centuries, humans existed as nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of the wheel and the invention of beer. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundations of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: liberals and conservatives.

Once beer was discovered it required grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That s how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to barbecue at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly barbecues and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as 'girliemen.'

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish, but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu and French food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, Marines, athletes and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to 'govern' the producers and decide how to redistribute the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in later, after the Wild West was tamed, and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.

Here ends today s lesson in world history and anthropology:

It should be noted that a liberal may have a momentary urge to respond to the above before simply laughing and forwarding it. A conservative will be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately.


This is hilarious to me, I bet a bunch of you will think it is too and it does have alot of truth in it besides the obvious exagerations and such, so if you are offended, well,.............

[jack01]

Definition of Political Correctness: A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical, liberal minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pickup a turd by the clean end.

[madmax]

uh oh, politics.... I give this 4 replies before the bomber flamer begins.....

[JAMPILOT]

Very well stated Stainless, I agree.

How true Jack01. LMAO!

[JEFFRO503]

Well...........HOT DAMN!....i guess i'm a conservative!! Always wondered what the heck i was.

don't even think about it..............


Jeff

[wizard]

Is it possible to be a Conservative Liberal???

[adrian]

ya a problem - unfortunately at the young and tender age of 19 I already made the discovery that most men do and talk big time conservative but vote liberal because they need the money to keep the wife's happy - no? - lol

[50%plane]

	Quote: Originally Posted by jack01
	Definition of Political Correctness: A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical, liberal minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pickup a turd by the clean end.

LOL!!!

[paffy]

	Quote: Originally Posted by wizard
	Is it possible to be a Conservative Liberal???

I think that would make you a libertarian or minarchist ...

[Vic3D]

Friends don't talk to friends about politics.

[MeanGene]

max ten posts and no flame you lose

[Judge]

Boy, am I confused now.

I drink imported beer (or Amurikun micro-brew), and never with a lime, with my red meat. But I like wine too, but mostly domestic wines.

Wow, I'm going to have to go off into a corner now and figure this all out. My whole sense of who I am is shot now!!