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| Ba Dum Bum! Jokes & Humor – Got something funny ? Let’s see it! (PG-13 only please) |
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| | #1 (permalink) |
| they call me....the gas man ![]() Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Canada
Posts: 390
| PILOTS' RULES OF THE AIR 1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory. 2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again. 3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous. 4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. 5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire. 6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating. 7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky. 8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again. 9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself. 10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp. 11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa. 12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier. 13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds. 14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made. 15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are. 16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. 17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them. 18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be. 19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. 20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. 21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible. 22. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed. 23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not subject to appeal. 24. The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago
__________________ Its better to be on the ground wishing you were flying, then flying wishing you were on the ground!! |
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| | #2 (permalink) |
| I knocked a horse out once. ![]() Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: South Carolina Age: 48
Posts: 3,163
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The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world, it will just barely kill you. Bob Hoover Don't cheat on your airplane. Fly it all the way to the crash. Bob Hoover Mr.Sadler, will you teach me how to fly full sclae just like you? You are the King of aerobatics and compared to you I'm terrible!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE just one more lesson??? Matt Chapman |
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| | #3 (permalink) |
| they call me....the gas man ![]() Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Canada
Posts: 390
| question-- A twin engine airplane has lost both engines, how far will it go??? wait for it keep going just a little further Answer--- ALL THE WAY TO THE SCENE OF THE CRASH!!!!
__________________ Its better to be on the ground wishing you were flying, then flying wishing you were on the ground!! |
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| | #4 (permalink) |
| It will fly!!! |
I disagree with #23. There is no suck thing as gravity--the Earth just sucks.
__________________ Prevent Darwinism become a paramedic!!! Never try to teach a pig to sing! It wastes your time and it annoys the pig!!! Powered by Jim Beam |
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| | #5 (permalink) |
| Bad-ass Super Contributer! ![]() ![]() Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Long Island, NY Age: 36
Posts: 4,024
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"There's old pilots, and there's bold pilots. But there are no old,bold pilots" Don't know who said it, but it's something I remember from way back. |
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| | #6 (permalink) |
| Bad-ass Super Contributer! ![]() Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Dayton Ohio
Posts: 1,682
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Mr.Sadler, will you teach me how to fly full sclae just like you? You are the King of aerobatics and compared to you I'm terrible!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE just one more lesson??? Matt Chapman[/quote] SURE HE DID!
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| | #7 (permalink) |
| L'ectrics r COOOOOL!!! ![]() Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: New Baltimore, Michigan Age: 20
Posts: 279
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Thought I would throw this one in here. My favorite quote of all time and I think any aviation enthusiast can relate. For once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward , for there you have been, and for there you will long to return. - Leonardo DaVinci -
__________________ www.castlecreations.com www.fliton.com www.tanicpacks.com Scott Pavlock "The best part about 2.4 is that it's freeing up 72!!" |
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| | #8 (permalink) |
| All I need is more talent ![]() ![]() Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Tauranga, New Zealand
Posts: 695
| One of the funniest things I heard from a Cessna 172 pilot after a crash. Scene setter... An early model Continental 145Hp 172 taking off from a grass strip with 3 other big guys on board got airbourne and shortly after stalled into a marsh. When asked what happened, he said Quote "I had the 4 outs" We asked "What daya mean the 4 outs" "Well I ran out of runway, altitude, airspeed and ideas.. all at the same time" Still laugh about it today Alan |
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| | #9 (permalink) |
| Funkadelic |
"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to." "Try to stay in the middle on the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edgesof the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees, and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there." "As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arives, the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and ask, 'What happened?' The pilot's reply, 'I don't know, I just got here myself!' "Never fly with someone braver than you." (This may not be the reason I haven't flown with Biff) |
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| | #10 (permalink) |
| Funkadelic |
"The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world, it will just barely kill you." Max Stanley(Northrop test pilot) "Altitude Airspeed and brains. Two are always needed to succesfully complete the flight." "A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication." "mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!" |
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| | #11 (permalink) |
| 100% EDGE Builder ![]() Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Guthrie, OK Age: 35
Posts: 937
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When one of your engines quit on on a twin engine plane the remaining engine takes you to the scene of the accident. 3 worthless things in aviation. The runway behind you, the air above you, and the fuel you left on the ground. There are those pilots that have landed with the gear up and those that will. There are no flying goats. If you see one in a cloud, pull up. Dan |
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| | #12 (permalink) |
| Eccentricus Magnus ![]() Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Charlotte, North Carolina Age: 50
Posts: 3,449
| High Flight Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earth And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings; Sunward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth Of sun-split clouds - and done a hundred things You have not dreamed of - wheeled and soared and swung High in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung My eager craft through footless halls of air. Up, up the long delirious, burning blue, I've topped the windswept heights with easy grace Where never lark, or even eagle flew - And, while with silent lifting mind I've trod The high untresspassed sanctity of space, Put out my hand and touched the face of God. Pilot Officer Gillespie Magee No 412 squadron, RCAF Killed 11 December 1941
__________________ KrisW "Mediocrity is doing it THEIR way" It's 20% Plane, 5% Engine, and 75% Practice, practice, Practice . . .Excuse me, I'm off to the field. http://www.modelaircraftengineering.com BME Repair and Modifications Guru |
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