Chuck Norris one liners...

[Sandbag Special]

Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out... and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile.

Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.

"Sweating bullets" is literally what happens when Chuck Norris gets too hot.

Chuck Norris eats lightning and farts thunder.

[mikeyj86]

Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.

If Chuck Norris round-house kicks you, you will die. If Chuck Norris' misses you with the round-house kick, the wind behind the kick will tear out your pancreas.

Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks to the face. This is why it is so deadly to Superman.

Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.

Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris' ass. He was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face.

[Sandbag Special]

Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order.

Chuck Norris is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, even though Chuck Norris does not swim. This is because when Chuck Norris enters the water, the water gets out of his way and Chuck Norris simply walks across the pool floor.

It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris' skin.

Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

[Flyinrazrback]

http://4q.cc/index.php?pid=top100&person=chuck

[Sandbag Special]

Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."

[exeter_acres]

http://hallpass.com/media/chucknorris.html

[mikeyj86]

Chuck Norris once played Russian roulette with a fully load gun and won.

Chuck Norris once played 18 holes of golf using a 12 inch strip of rebar and a sun dried tomato. He shot a 54.

Chuck Norris lost both his legs in a car accident....and still managed to walk it off.

When Chuck Norris picks his nose, he REALLY does find Gold.

[Sandbag Special]

Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

[HjorturG]

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

[WOODisGOOD]

Chuck Norris doesnt wear Superman pj's, Superman wears Chuck Norris pj's

[Sandbag Special]

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

[knighttwister]

chuck norris used to be john wayne