Chuck Norris one liners...

[Sandbag Special]

Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.

When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.

In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

[Sandbag Special]

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.

The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.


It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.