FG Wind Velocity Chart - Article

[Colonel Klank]

Code 0
Wind Speed 0-1
Calm. Too calm. People get edgy. Smoke from the engines rises straight up. Attracting buzzards. You can smell yourself.

Code 1
Wind Speed 2-3
Light air. Foamys barely move. Smoke from the engines rises at a slight angle. You can still smell yourself.

Code 2
Wind Speed 4-7
Light breeze. Foamys move. You can smell the guy next to you.

Code 3
Wind Speed 8-12
Gentle Breeze. Everyone can smell everyone. Telemasters fly by themselves. Backwards! Wind Chimes start to get annoying.

Code 4
Wind Speed 13-18
Moderate Breeze. Nuns make flapping sound. Foamys ripped apart. Big planes doing backwards harriers.

Code 5
Wind Speed 19-24
Fresh Breeze. Foamys fly all over your neighbors yard. He yells at you, but you claim you can't hear him over the wind chimes.

Code 6
Wind Speed 25-31
Strong Breeze. Drunk guys blown over. Smoke from engines blows horizontally, right into your eyes.

Code 7
Wind Speed 32-38
Moderate Gale. Cheeks flap when you yawn. Field furniture on the move.

Code 8
Wind Speed 39-46
Fresh Gale. Nuns blown over. Falling down drunks now held upright. BBQ blown over. Smoke from burning field blows horizontally.

Code 9
Wind Speed 47-54
Whole Gale. Your favorite shirt blows off. Your newly sodded field is now someone else's newly sodded field.

Code 10
Wind Speed 55-63
Storm. People in trailer parks appear on the news. Your underwear blows off.

Code 11
Wind Speed 64-75
Hurricane. Your underwear blows off while you're indoors. Your nose hairs whistle even when you're not breathing. You can't close you eyes. Even if you wanted to.