Little old Ladies

[wizard]

1. Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.
One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?"
The other replies, "Oh sure I do."
The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?"
The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver."
After a few moments, the first old lady asks,
"Who drives you to the beach?"

2. Ethel and Mabel, two elderly widows, were watching the folks go by from their
park bench. Ethel said,
"You know, Mabel, I've been reading this 'Sex and Marriage' book
and all they talk about is 'mutual ******'.
Mutual ****** here and mutual ****** there...that's all they talk about.
Tell me, Mabel, when your husband was alive, did you two ever
have mutual ******?"
Mabel thought for a long while. Finally, she shook her head
and said, "No, I think we had State Farm.


3. Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their
retirement home reminiscing.
The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and
demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber
she could buy for a penny.
The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be
much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size
of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece.
The third old lady remarked, "I can't hear a word you're saying,
but I remember the guy you're talking about."

[mikeyj86]

ha ha, thats some funny stuff

[Boulder]

Another I can send to my wife

[Nobody]

That's hilarious! Funny thing is, those stories could have really happened!