Posted on an Australian Tourism Website

[Gus155]

: Posted on an Australian Tourism Website,









Posted on an Australian Tourism Website, and the answers are the actual
responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how
do the plants grow? ( UK )
A: We import all plants fully grown, and then just sit around watching them
die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?
(Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only four thousand miles, thru a desert. Take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia ? (Sweden )
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list
of them in Brisbane , Cairns, Townsville, and Hervey Bay? (UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? (USA )
A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does
not... Oh, forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings
Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here, and
we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? (UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ...
Oh, forget it.
Sure, the Vienna Boys' Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross,
straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney, and is milk available all year round?
(Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan Hunter/gatherers. Milk is
illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled, and make
good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its
name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA )
A: It's called a Drop Bear.They are so called because they drop out of Gum
trees, and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare
them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France )
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
tell me where I can sell it in Australia? ( USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is
smaller than the male population? ( Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs .

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France )
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R&R, and I wanted to contact the girl I
dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? ( USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

[jasonflier]

LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LKOL LOL LOL LOL

Gus,me and my dad are standing here canning ourselves
BRILLIANT!!!!!!

[CA$HEY]

LOVE IT GUSS,,,I DONT THINK THAY GET IT

[knighttwister]

did the dingo really eat the baibee?

[Cookie]

Come on chaps, don't be silly it was the drop bears....

	Quote: Originally Posted by knighttwister
	did the dingo really eat the baibee?

[Banker]

Really funny but sorry its an urban legend. See http://www.snopes.com/travel/foreign/olympics.asp

Really useful site to verify these sorts of things.

Enjoyed reading it, though.

[Greyhoundman]

[ssr]

Gus ou maat!!!!!!!!!
No way....... my tummy aches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!oh s#!t I just woke the baby...

OK mommy isn't mad any more..she saw it.

You know, its funny how "1st world" countries see the rest of the world. Guys asking me if Im safe tonight and well clear of any lions. REALLY.

[Gus155]

You dont have lions in "states" but you do have the cheaters. (And the currie cup.)

[wizard]

	Quote: Originally Posted by Banker
	Really funny but sorry its an urban legend. See http://www.snopes.com/travel/foreign/olympics.asp Really useful site to verify these sorts of things. Enjoyed reading it, though.

I like the questions to the park rangers on the same site. http://www.snopes.com/humor/question/rangers.asp

[3ddd]

lions?-are there really lions there?

[jaco]

	Quote: Originally Posted by 3ddd
	lions?-are there really lions there?

Only in zoos and our backyards. But only up to the age of one year, then they become very hungry very fast and me being prime meat makes us scared..... just to be on the safe side we keep a weight advantage over them....LOL

[Gus155]

	Quote: Originally Posted by 3ddd
	lions?-are there really lions there?

They are found in prides of 22 members, but with only a maximum of 15 being allowed to participate at a time, against prey or pedetors of similar numbers.
It is not unusual to see 15 lions being beaten up by 15 bulls, cheaters, Sharks, flowers(WP ) Elephats, and some others on a friday night or saturday aftenoon.

[pupmeister]

Unfortunately I think most of your puns will go over the head of any body that doe not come from SA, though they did make me laugh.

Cheers
Stephen

[FlyingSquirrel10]

hahahahhahahaha whoooohhahhahahbuahahahaha ahaha tee hee hee hahahahAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!!!!! I sent this to everyone in our office. they loved it!