DIARY OF THE DEMENTED SNOW SHOVELER?

[ULTIMATE1]

Diary of a Demented Snow Shoveller

December 8, 6:00 PM
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and
the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by
the win dow watching the huge soft flakes drift down
from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So
romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic
sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world?
Moving here was the best idea I've ever had!
Shovelled for the first time in years and felt like a
boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
This afternoon the snowplough came along and covered
up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got
to shovel again. What a perfect life!

December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
disappointment! My neighbour tells me not to worry-
we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on
Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much
snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see
snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such
a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbour.

December 14
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature
dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so.
The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by
shovelling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life!
The snowplough came back this afternoon and buried
everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do
quite this much shovelling, but I'll certainly get back
in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4
Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2
extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants
a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think
that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 16
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the
driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife
laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go
anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to
pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but
stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I
should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to
her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe
I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20
Electricity is back on, but had another 14 inches of
the damn stuff last night. More shovelling! Took all
day. The damn snowplough came by twice. Tried to
find a neighbour kid to shovel, but they said they're
too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying.
Called the only hardware store around to see about
buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have
another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob
says I have to shovel or the city will have it done
and bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more
inches of the white **** fell today, and it's so cold,
it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes
to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I
had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and
dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to
hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of
the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the
******* is lying.

December 23
Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0.
The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house
this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why didn't she tell
me to do that a month ago? She says she did
but I think she's lying.

December 24
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplough, I broke
the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I
ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow
plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and
beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he
hides around the corner and waits for me to finish
shovelling and then he comes down the street at a 100
miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just
been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas
carols with her and open our presents, but I was too
bu sy watching for the damn snowplough.

December 25
Merry f---ing Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn
slop tonight - Snowed in. The idea of shoveling
makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow!
Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation
and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife
says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking
idiot. If I have to watch 'It's A Wonderful Life' one
more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26
Still snowed in.. Why the hell did I ever move here? It
was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze;
plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he
only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28
Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The BITCH is
driving me crazy!!!

December 29
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or
it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever
heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30
Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now
he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for the
beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the
broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to
her mother. Nine more inches predicted.

December 31
I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8
Feel so good. I just love those little white pills
they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

[FENWAYFLYER]

Sounds like you might need a snowmobile.

[DannyFlyer]

Thats funny. BUT......



Danny

[JEFFRO503]

Brian....did you happen to have the chance to possibly mail my header out before your house collaped and then set fire to it?

[4 stroke flyer]

I feel your pain!

[ULTIMATE1]

Fortunately my neighbor has a landscape business and in the winter turns it into a snow removal business and he clears our driveway culdesac and all the way out to the main street where the city takes over I just took a pic out my front window and you can see some of his equipment! His house is the one with the red and green lanterns this was taken out my front wondow!

[DStJohn]

Here's how I solved my snow problem:



Mine is the 7 HP model, last year is cut right through 32" of wet heavy snow
Best money I ever spent!!!!

[DannyFlyer]

	Quote: Originally Posted by DStJohn
	Here's how I solved my snow problem: Mine is the 7 HP model, last year is cut right through 32" of wet heavy snow Best money I ever spent!!!!

But Dan,
Rember up in canada they sold out and next shipment comes in march.... I am guessing in march is when people can get through all the snow? LOL

Danny

[yellowman2513]

lmao!!!

[thewrap]

[FlyinRyan93]

That is why we moved to florida. The snow SUCKS

[WangoTango]

Got a question...... What's snow? Is it that stuff that turns white in winter? What's winter? Here in warm sunny Conroe we have a different form of "moisture." It's called Hurricane season. Yeah, we're 90 miles from Galveston but we still get lots of "moisture." Our weathermen here in the Houston radio/Tv market always get the forecast correct. (Yeah, right!) Remember...... Little boys that lie grow up to be weathermen! Along about the middle of hurricane season, these are the guys you want to find out in public and use that broken snow shovel handle on! Oh well......... Time to go build something. It's starting to sprinkle outside.
WT

[flying skunks]

here in Florida we do not need a snow plow ..fg43 after the rains last month some of us did need a boat to get around , over 30 inches of rain in 10 days ....

[~SnApRoLl]

	Quote: Originally Posted by flying skunks
	here in Florida we do not need a snow plow ..fg43 after the rains last month some of us did need a boat to get around , over 30 inches of rain in 10 days ....

Hey Donnie how ya been?
I'm glad to see you guys finally got a break from the torrential floods!! I moved up North just before the rains hit.
Then we got hit with rain for over a week straight as well. But, I think we only got about 18" of rain though.


Shawn

[bodywerks]

I think we saw some of that white stuff last winter here in Tucson...40 miles away on Mt. Lemon, lol! Meanwhile, it was sunny and 65 and I flew every weekend through 'the cold season'. Man, what a tough life I have.